I'm really not sure as to why I am so anti-social of late.

Every year, we go to my dad's aunt's house for this huge all-day family affair. It's very fun. I get to see my two cousins, two of the only females I'll even give the light of day to. I rarely get to see my cousins, but it's always a treat when I do. We laugh and do ridiculous things together.
However, I had a falling out with one of them this year, a very complex situation that I don't even want to try to reiterate. Things got better, and reconciliation occurred. Nonetheless, I have bad feelings. I feel like I won't be welcome there.

I feel like if I show up at my aunt's house, everyone will stare at me, ask me about my dreadlocks, and just exude animosity overall. ):


On the other hand, my other half Daith is going to be in town all of December, and part of January as well. I'd much prefer spending Christmas with her, on the beach, or just out, as if it were any other day. It's going to be controversial if I don't go to the dinner, but I can't explain to my mom the reasons why I don't want to be present.
I'm dreading Christmas this year. The only reason why I'm semi-looking forward to it is because I can get presents for Daith, and for a few other friends, give it to them, and hopefully put a smile on their faces.